i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
