I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
