he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
