This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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