he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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