shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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