the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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