the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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