Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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