We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize