mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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