wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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