Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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