Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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