Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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