can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
