Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
