do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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