Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
