The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
