Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
