He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
