i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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