All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
