Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
