yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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