Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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