Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think i have two assholes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
