Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
