Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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