he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
