I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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