OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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