I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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