I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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