we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
