All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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