in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
