They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
