I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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