Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
