i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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