Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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