i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
