I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
