Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
