i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
