Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
