I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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