LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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