Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
