She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
