considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
