Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
