if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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