Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
