finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
