I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
