She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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