they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize