i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
