All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
